Yesterday, I traveled from Salt Lake City to Pittsburgh. As is almost always the case these days, I wasn't able to be on a direct flight and therefore had to go through Atlanta..the dreaded Atlanta. We often joke in the office that even when you die...you have to go through Atlanta.
Not that I don't enjoy the Atlanta airport. There are decent food choices, EXCELLENT people watching, and random shops to wander through while you wait for your next flight. (really, who shops for designer clothing at the airport though? bizarre)
Well my flight from SLC to ATL was the red eye... normally leaves around 1am from SLC and arrives ATL around 6:30ish. I normally enjoy the red eye flights as they are very quiet, not many overhead annoucements and I just sleep or play insomniac and watch a movie. This time though, I wanted to sleep and my slumber was disturbed.
Most people when they fly, are cordial to the person you are sitting next to. After all, this is someone you get to spend the next few hours of your life next to, and in an emergency, may have to rely on (I like to ask questions regarding mental stability.) This being a red eye, it's not terribly common to get to know the person you are sitting next to as you or they will probably just be sleeping for most of the flight. This was one of those times where I should have asked some questions and has now given me a list of pre-flight interview questions to ask my seat mate.
The flight began as all flights do and we were flying at our designated cruising altitude and moving along the night sky. The occasional turbulence was encountered and it helps to make the flight a little more exciting. I had started to watch the movie shown, while drinking some hot tea, but grew tired of the boring plot and poor character development so I decided to get some sleep. I pulled my blanket up, rolled my pillow and assumed the position. I figured it would be perfect as my seat mate was already asleep and I wouldn't have to contend with an overhead light shining down on me like I was a character on Touched by an Angel. I left my tea and water bottle on the space between our two seats and began to sleep.
I'm not sure how long I actually slept as I was quickly awakened by getting slapped. I was startled. This wasn't just a "slap" like a joke, it felt like I got back handed. I looked around and everyone was asleep, my seat mate was deeply asleep with his hat pulled down and I could not figure out who had just slapped me. I did the usual "stink eye" glare around the cabin and couldn't figure out who slapped me. I then noticed that my seat mates arm twitched, maybe not so much a twitch as his arm extended sharply and then retracted. All the while he was sleeping. Then it started to make sense. My seat mate back handed me in his sleep. Nice.
I brushed it off as some weird sleeping habit and felt sorry for whomever he shares a bed . I then re-assumed my sleeping position and tried to get some sleep. I'm not quite sure again how much time had passed, but I was startled when a bottle of water was launched at my head. That was it. I had pretty much had it with my abusive seat mate. It's one thing to slap me, it's another to launch plastic bottles with water at my head! I contemplated what action I would take...I thought about the gentle wake up, or the nudge or launching the bottle back..and then decided on a full on slap back. Nothing too terrible, just enough to wake him up. So I gave him the slap back. He jumped in his seat and pushed his hat up and just looked at me through his groggy eyes. In a stern, but friendly quiet tone, I politely informed him that he had been abusing me in his sleep and it needed to stop. His face quickly softened and he sincerely apologized and stated that he knows he does that in his sleep and should have known better than to fall asleep without having his arms tucked under him and leaning towards the window. (now wait...he is telling me that he knows he does this, that he must have done this before to know how to handle it. How many people have been abused by a seat mate at 37,0000 feet while sleeping???? the injustice!) I accepted his apology and watched while he assumed this non-abusive sleep position. It did not look comfortable, but if it meant I could sleep without the fear of getting attacked by a seat belt or whatever other object he could find I was not going to say a thing. I also took my cup of tea to the galley as I was also picturing getting hit by a ceramic mug and then scolded by hot tea. A combination usually reserved for obtaining state secrets.
Eventually the sun began to shine through the windows, and tray tables and seat backs were assuming their upright and locked position. I opened my eyes and realized I had survived for at least the rest of the flight without being abused (or at least to my knowledge..I tend to be a heavy sleeper) My seat mate also began to stir and apologized again for his mid flight antics and asked if he had done any other damage during the flight. I told him that I wasn't aware of anything else, but I could only speak for myself.
As I walked up the jet way, I began to mentally put together my list of pre-flight questions for my next seat mate.
Q1. Do you have any abnormal sleep patterns or aggressive tendencies?
Q2. When you arrive at your flights destinations, have previous seat mates needed medical attention?
Q3. Do you have a desire of being an Ultimate Fighting Champion and frequently have dreams about said champion?
Q4. In an emergency, do you jump out the window first, or help everyone else as much as possible? or do you even care?
Those are what I could come up with so far (it was a short jet way) If you have any questions that you think I should add to my list, please let me know! I welcome suggestions.
Well I am currently "livin la vida loca" in Ohio, and catching up on emails. I should really be sleeping.
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